So Friday was a "Snow Day" for Johnny. The school district at large had an early dismissal, but since he doesn't start until noon, he didn't have class at all. The problem with how things went down is that this is the third time this year that he has had school canceled, and it is the third time that there has been no snow in the air or on the ground when I have had to explain to him that there is no school. To him, the term "Snow Day" can't apply because there is no snow. But even if I avoid using the phrase, he still wants to know why school is canceled. With a kid like this, you really have be sure you are fully answering a question and you are 100% up front about things right off the bat. You have to be completely honest while still careful about how you word things in order to minimize the impact and create the least damage possible.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in... life with Johnny.
Obviously it isn't intentionally a cruel thing on his part. You just have to keep in mind that pretty much anything that comes out of your mouth can come back to bite you in the butt. As parents, sometimes Steve and I eat our words. "But you said I could have a gummy snack if I listened to your words today!" -- At 3am. We forgot to let him have some when he got home from an outing at the grocery store, like we had promised. There is no "I know, but it's the middle of the night, you can have it in the morning" with this kid. He is completely accurate and entirely literal. He doesn't forget anything, and although sometimes it takes a while for him to remember it, he will eventually have it come to mind. With most kids, I would stick to my guns and just tell them to go back to bed even if they whine. But his mind doesn't work like that. It isn't a matter of me being a mean and horrible mommy and then the kid having forgotten it by morning. This is something that will bother him until we rectify the situation, be it in five minutes or five days. It isn't a power play issue like it is with most children, it is quite literally a matter of what he considers a "deal". -- And he holds to his end, too. When you remind him (even in the middle of a tantrum) that he has to stick to his end of a bargain, he pulls it together.
To Johnny, deals are concrete. You don't break a deal unless another alternative agreed upon by both parties is struck. Deals are rules. I know this because this is how my mind works, too. It has taken most of my lifetime to learn how to cope with the fact that pretty much no one else goes by this standard. Sure, people will go by it some of the time if they physically say "deal" or shake on it before going on their way, but it still is kind of a loose concept. But to view the world the way I do, only in the mindset of a three-year-old who has yet to learn any coping skills... We've got a big challenge on our hands. As much as Steve and I can try to be patient and understanding, and as wonderful as his preschool teachers have been about working with him on this matter his level of comprehension, he still needs to be prepped for people who aren't going to understand him. I spend more of my time repeating the words, "But it isn't your job to tell so-and-so what to do, and you aren't in charge of them. You are in charge of Johnny". I sound like a broken record. Isn't it funny that those are words we don't say enough to our own adult selves? "You aren't in charge of anyone else (you can't control those around you). You are in charge of you." I have a hard time because it is an abstract concept for a three-year-old, and yet most adults still struggle with it daily. I know I do.
This morning when I told Johnny it was time to get ready for church, he was very confused. Friday school was canceled because of non-existent snow. Wasn't church canceled now because of non-existent snow? It was quite the fight to get him out the door. I just pray that there aren't any more cancellations this year. Didn't Phil say his shadow eluded him this year? Bring on the warm weather!
Anything you say can and will be used against you in... life with Johnny.
Obviously it isn't intentionally a cruel thing on his part. You just have to keep in mind that pretty much anything that comes out of your mouth can come back to bite you in the butt. As parents, sometimes Steve and I eat our words. "But you said I could have a gummy snack if I listened to your words today!" -- At 3am. We forgot to let him have some when he got home from an outing at the grocery store, like we had promised. There is no "I know, but it's the middle of the night, you can have it in the morning" with this kid. He is completely accurate and entirely literal. He doesn't forget anything, and although sometimes it takes a while for him to remember it, he will eventually have it come to mind. With most kids, I would stick to my guns and just tell them to go back to bed even if they whine. But his mind doesn't work like that. It isn't a matter of me being a mean and horrible mommy and then the kid having forgotten it by morning. This is something that will bother him until we rectify the situation, be it in five minutes or five days. It isn't a power play issue like it is with most children, it is quite literally a matter of what he considers a "deal". -- And he holds to his end, too. When you remind him (even in the middle of a tantrum) that he has to stick to his end of a bargain, he pulls it together.
To Johnny, deals are concrete. You don't break a deal unless another alternative agreed upon by both parties is struck. Deals are rules. I know this because this is how my mind works, too. It has taken most of my lifetime to learn how to cope with the fact that pretty much no one else goes by this standard. Sure, people will go by it some of the time if they physically say "deal" or shake on it before going on their way, but it still is kind of a loose concept. But to view the world the way I do, only in the mindset of a three-year-old who has yet to learn any coping skills... We've got a big challenge on our hands. As much as Steve and I can try to be patient and understanding, and as wonderful as his preschool teachers have been about working with him on this matter his level of comprehension, he still needs to be prepped for people who aren't going to understand him. I spend more of my time repeating the words, "But it isn't your job to tell so-and-so what to do, and you aren't in charge of them. You are in charge of Johnny". I sound like a broken record. Isn't it funny that those are words we don't say enough to our own adult selves? "You aren't in charge of anyone else (you can't control those around you). You are in charge of you." I have a hard time because it is an abstract concept for a three-year-old, and yet most adults still struggle with it daily. I know I do.
This morning when I told Johnny it was time to get ready for church, he was very confused. Friday school was canceled because of non-existent snow. Wasn't church canceled now because of non-existent snow? It was quite the fight to get him out the door. I just pray that there aren't any more cancellations this year. Didn't Phil say his shadow eluded him this year? Bring on the warm weather!
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