I'm a "huggy" person. I don't go up to people and hug them without their permission, and I only want hugs from close friends or family when done on my own terms, but I am indeed a very physically affectionate person. Just ask my husband, who is forced to deal with my constant need for snuggling. It came as no surprise to me that when my son wants to show affection, he is also a very physical individual. There is nothing wrong with that, we have just had to work with him on when it is appropriate to give hugs and kisses and when he needs to keep his hands (and lips) to himself. He hasn't figured out that some grown men are uncomfortable with kisses from a little boy, and he seems to think hugs and kisses with "new friends" that he just met are totally acceptable. It's a work in progress. Overall, it isn't too big of a deal, since we keep a close eye on him and help redirect with more appropriate parting sentiments when hugs and kisses aren't ideal. The only time it becomes a problem is when he is sick...
Right now, my kid is sick. Because he is sick, I have kept him home. The problem is that like most kids, Johnny becomes much more "cuddly" when he doesn't feel well. In the past 48 hours, we have spent A LOT of time together, just the two of us, and even as I type this he is literally hanging on me and -- yep-- there is another kiss. I have received at minimum 1,000 kisses today. No one would usually consider this a problem, (aside from the obvious germ-passing issue, but you figure that two people in such close proximity would have plenty of germs spread between them, regardless) but just like my son, I have Sensory Processing Disorder. I cannot stand for people to touch my face. This seems in direct opposition of my professed physically affectionate self, but kisses are different than hugs! KEEP AWAY FROM MY FACE!!!
I'm trying very hard to cherish all of the kisses, as I know the days are numbered before he stops wanting to give them to me. However, as we reach the end of day 2 in cuddleville, I am really struggling with the abundance of kisses. This isn't a hardship of autism parenting: what "normal" parent would be upset with getting kissed so much by their adorable child? This is a hardship of being an autistic parent. How do you tell your child to STOP showing you that they love you? You can't. So I am gritting my teeth and steeling myself against it and doing everything in my power to not get upset when my son kisses me over and over. I know it sounds ridiculous, but just picture that one thing in your life that makes you the most physically uncomfortable and have it happen repeatedly ad nauseam. The sound of nails on a chalkboard? That insanely itchy tag in your shirt that you can't remove until you get home? Someone stepping on the back of your feet, giving you a flat tire with every step? That person who won't stop tapping their leg/hand/etc. in an all-day meeting? The kid kicking the back of your seat on an airplane? None of these even come close. It makes me feel horrible to say that my son giving me kisses even remotely like such annoyances, but after the first 10, I have a REALLY hard time with it. If he wasn't my son, he wouldn't have gotten past the first one.
I have taken approximately 7 minutes to write this, with Johnny hanging off of my shoulder and interrupting every few seconds for another kiss. Total count since I started typing? 61. The boy needs to start feeling better soon... for the both of us.
Right now, my kid is sick. Because he is sick, I have kept him home. The problem is that like most kids, Johnny becomes much more "cuddly" when he doesn't feel well. In the past 48 hours, we have spent A LOT of time together, just the two of us, and even as I type this he is literally hanging on me and -- yep-- there is another kiss. I have received at minimum 1,000 kisses today. No one would usually consider this a problem, (aside from the obvious germ-passing issue, but you figure that two people in such close proximity would have plenty of germs spread between them, regardless) but just like my son, I have Sensory Processing Disorder. I cannot stand for people to touch my face. This seems in direct opposition of my professed physically affectionate self, but kisses are different than hugs! KEEP AWAY FROM MY FACE!!!
I'm trying very hard to cherish all of the kisses, as I know the days are numbered before he stops wanting to give them to me. However, as we reach the end of day 2 in cuddleville, I am really struggling with the abundance of kisses. This isn't a hardship of autism parenting: what "normal" parent would be upset with getting kissed so much by their adorable child? This is a hardship of being an autistic parent. How do you tell your child to STOP showing you that they love you? You can't. So I am gritting my teeth and steeling myself against it and doing everything in my power to not get upset when my son kisses me over and over. I know it sounds ridiculous, but just picture that one thing in your life that makes you the most physically uncomfortable and have it happen repeatedly ad nauseam. The sound of nails on a chalkboard? That insanely itchy tag in your shirt that you can't remove until you get home? Someone stepping on the back of your feet, giving you a flat tire with every step? That person who won't stop tapping their leg/hand/etc. in an all-day meeting? The kid kicking the back of your seat on an airplane? None of these even come close. It makes me feel horrible to say that my son giving me kisses even remotely like such annoyances, but after the first 10, I have a REALLY hard time with it. If he wasn't my son, he wouldn't have gotten past the first one.
I have taken approximately 7 minutes to write this, with Johnny hanging off of my shoulder and interrupting every few seconds for another kiss. Total count since I started typing? 61. The boy needs to start feeling better soon... for the both of us.
I understand completely, I have adhd and spd! I can't handle noise or being touched much. I am pretty positive my 3 yr old also suffers with both but hers is a need to touch everything, she prefers to stroke or hold my hands or lay her face on it as she falls asleep. I constantly walk around tense and on edge and I hate it. I feel like the worst mom ever when I have to tell her please don't touch my face or mommy can't cuddle right now =/ I My poor fiance is a very affectionate cuddly type and doesn't understand why I can't handle him snuggling up at night, I mean I get to angry I think I might explode. I take medicine for the adhd but I don't know how to get the spd and the anxiety it causes under control!
ReplyDeleteI can completely appreciate your situation! I do a lot of deep breathing and use relaxation techniques as much as possible when I start to get overwhelmed like that. Often I will use the bathroom as an excuse to remove myself from a situation so that I can just get a minute to calm down and recollect. (After all, who would know that you were going to the bathroom for anything other than to actually use it? It is a perfectly natural reason to leave a situation for a few minutes!)
DeleteThere really isn't any medication or anything that can help with SPD. For my son, since he is so young, we are working on sensory integration and just trying our best to get him used to different textures, sounds, lights, and so on. It is a lot harder for someone who has already grown up, I feel. While I can slowly help him get used to something, it is much more complicated for me to force myself to handle the things that upset me. For example, shaving cream is not a texture that bothers me, but it used to be one that really perplexed Johnny. While it isn't something he was going up against in his everyday life, (why would a 4 year old need shaving cream?) I knew I could come up with an opportunity to make it fun in some way and try to get him used to such a slippery foamy feeling. I ended up buying 10 cans of it from the dollar store and filling up his wading pool, adding some drops of food coloring all throughout. We were able to get the neighbor kids to join, and soon they were all having a blast and he was able to stand the feeling. If I were to go up against something like that, no matter how "fun" the activity, I don't know that I would be able to handle it as wonderfully as he did. That is part of why I feel that it is so important to get him as much help as possible while he is still young!
Thank you for your response to my post, it is wonderful to meet you!