keeping busy

A lot has happened over the past few months of my life, and most things were for the good. I have finally secured services for Johnny again, after having lost everything near the beginning of the school year due to lack of providers in our area. They still don't have anyone to provide TSS or BSC services around here, but I was able to get Johnny signed up for a program that provides in-home services that focus on the family as a whole (or in our case, split) in order to provide the child with consistency and stability. We just started up with this program, so it will be interesting to see how the next few months unfold. I'm excited for the possibilities it affords Johnny, and I am glad to finally feel like I've got a little bit of support again. This school year has been tough without an extra hand or two!

I know I've covered this aspect of things in terms of how it affects the kiddo in a previous post, but changes have occurred in the realm of my dating life. Things ended between me and the first guy I introduced Johnny to after my divorce and have begun to get serious with another person, a man who Johnny was just met for the first time yesterday. It all sounds kind of crazy and fast, but it has been a while since I blogged, so it isn't as quick as it may seem. While Johnny had a little bit of a hard time when my last relationship ended, (and I wouldn't have introduced him had I had any inkling that it wasn't going to be a more lasting situation) he adjusted fairly quickly and then was thrilled to meet my boyfriend, who ironically bares the same name as him. As my mother has told me countless times, kids adapt. While Johnny may have a harder time adapting than most children, he is still a kid and he does bounce back. He is now looking forward to a new buddy to play with! An interesting and new dynamic enters into the situation because my boyfriend has two children, both around Johnny's age. While it might be a little bit before they actually meet one another, since Jon's kiddos reside primarily in Virginia, I am interested to see how Johnny handles the addition of other kids into my life, specifically. I have no doubt that he will do fine making new friends, and may even thrive all the more because of it, but I do think that it will be hard for him to realize that while the kids are new to his life, they are also entering my life as well. Time will tell, I guess.

In the meantime, I have a fairly happy and energetic kiddo who keeps me laughing and never ceases to find ways to amaze me and make me proud!

hiatus

With the school year, I have found myself extremely busy. This blog has essentially fallen by the wayside because I just don't have the time for much outside of work and Johnny, and in the moments I do find, the only thing I want to do is sleep. -- Not that sleep has gotten any easier. To top things off, I ended up sick and in the hospital again, which then meant taking a week and a half off of work and staying in bed endlessly, while trying to juggle the kiddo's wellbeing at the same time. Thanksgiving break has come and I am just now (three weeks later) starting to feel like myself again, though still, very tired. Steve has taken the kiddo for the majority of his days off school, and I've spent the holiday with my mom, stepdad, sister and stepbrother.

It's been an interesting holiday break so far. I almost didn't know what to do with myself without the kiddo under my feet, but I really felt that it made sense for him to be with his dad since Steve's family came in from out of town and my side of things remained very small. I picked him up this morning and took him to church with me. We headed back out to spend some time at my mom's, and ended our evening at home marathoning his new favorite show: MasterChef Junior.

Every now and then I seem to forget that my son is my mini-me. This evening, as I'm working on laundry, Jonathan came over and sat down beside me. He cocked his head to one side, then ran his hand down my arm and said, "you seem stressed". He made me stop the laundry for a moment and told me he was going to help me relax. Then, he began to do the one thing that instantly helps either one of us: he began to draw on my back. Don't get me wrong-- I know a lot of people who enjoy that sensation-- but talk about knowing me well! We may not be able to read people to save our lives and we may have to ask a million questions to understand what is going on with someone else, but we can recognize when something is "off" about one another and know exactly what to do to make the world stop spinning quite so fast.

I think I'll keep him!

slow to adjust

I was hoping that by the end of September, Johnny and I would both have settled into our new routine. Maybe John would be used to the hours of school and have stopped the constant meltdowns that begin the moment he gets home and don't end until he is fast asleep? Maybe I would feel like I had my feet under me with the new job, and would not still feel overwhelmed constantly? Well... yeah... no. The kiddo is still having a hard time with the transition from school to home in the afternoon, and while I am feeling a little more like I know what I am supposed to be doing at work, (in part because I have taken a job as a long-term sub, covering for the same person for several weeks) I don't feel like I ever have a moment of sanity. My house is a wreck because the last thing I ever feel like doing is cleaning, and between dealing with the little guy's tantrums and suffering from some of the worst insomnia I've had in a long time, I'm nothing short of exhausted. And unable to sleep.

Another very obvious consequence of this new schedule and increased amount of stuff going on has been my lack of time/motivation to write. As you can see, my blog has gone from regular updates to a short little snippet if I happen to have the time one random day of the month. My writing writing, (like, working on the book) has gone to nil. I feel both guilty and justified in this. I want to be doing more writing, I feel like I need to be doing more, but at the same time, it isn't like I don't have a perfectly good reason for slacking off lately. I'm busier than I've been in a long time!

While all of life may have sped up, Johnny seems to be racing time to grow even faster than I could imagine. From the random things he says that astound me to the endless wealth of knowledge that he has to share with the world, Little Man never ceases to amaze. He is a goof, and I love him. I only wish that we both were having an easier time of it with this whole transition into the school year. For now, I'll hold onto the moments we share together, being silly and having fun!