slow to adjust

I was hoping that by the end of September, Johnny and I would both have settled into our new routine. Maybe John would be used to the hours of school and have stopped the constant meltdowns that begin the moment he gets home and don't end until he is fast asleep? Maybe I would feel like I had my feet under me with the new job, and would not still feel overwhelmed constantly? Well... yeah... no. The kiddo is still having a hard time with the transition from school to home in the afternoon, and while I am feeling a little more like I know what I am supposed to be doing at work, (in part because I have taken a job as a long-term sub, covering for the same person for several weeks) I don't feel like I ever have a moment of sanity. My house is a wreck because the last thing I ever feel like doing is cleaning, and between dealing with the little guy's tantrums and suffering from some of the worst insomnia I've had in a long time, I'm nothing short of exhausted. And unable to sleep.

Another very obvious consequence of this new schedule and increased amount of stuff going on has been my lack of time/motivation to write. As you can see, my blog has gone from regular updates to a short little snippet if I happen to have the time one random day of the month. My writing writing, (like, working on the book) has gone to nil. I feel both guilty and justified in this. I want to be doing more writing, I feel like I need to be doing more, but at the same time, it isn't like I don't have a perfectly good reason for slacking off lately. I'm busier than I've been in a long time!

While all of life may have sped up, Johnny seems to be racing time to grow even faster than I could imagine. From the random things he says that astound me to the endless wealth of knowledge that he has to share with the world, Little Man never ceases to amaze. He is a goof, and I love him. I only wish that we both were having an easier time of it with this whole transition into the school year. For now, I'll hold onto the moments we share together, being silly and having fun!

the new guy

A little while back, I did something that I was very nervous about doing: I introduced Johnny to my boyfriend, Kyle. While I was confident that the two would get along swimmingly, and Johnny had shown me every sign that he is ready and open to the idea of me dating someone, it still made me anxious. I'd never been faced with the prospect of introducing two people I care so much about to one another. Granted, I'd done the whole bring-the-guy-home-to-meet-the-family thing before, but it is a bit different when that "family" is your 5 year old son, not your parents and siblings. I was ready for it, I needed it to happen, but my stomach was still in knots right up until Kyle walked in the door.

The plan was to have dinner and then go to a baseball game. Since I asked Kyle to grab one of my missing ingredients on his way over, dinner wasn't quite ready. Johnny quite enthusiastically embraced the opportunity to have Kyle all to himself, and began playing some game involving all of his Angry Birds stuffed animals that I'm pretty sure, had I been paying closer attention, would have gotten him in trouble for throwing things in the house. The last thing I meant to do was have my boyfriend walk in the door and entertain my child while I finished dinner, but that is exactly what ended up happening. By the time I finished cooking 10 or 15 minutes later, Johnny had decided that they were best of friends. Aside from a slight tantrum that he began to throw over eating his food, (which was a meal he specifically requested) dinner went smoothly and then we headed out to the game. We made it through about half of the innings before Johnny's eyes started to glaze over (it was past his bedtime) and I decided to call it a night. Johnny was super thrilled because Kyle had gotten him a fly ball, and he passed out pretty quickly once we put him down to bed. They've made plans with each other to watch The Croods sometime soon, and in the times where they've run into each other since then, Johnny has been thrilled to get a few minutes to play with his new buddy.

I feel like I can breathe again. No matter how much I like Kyle, that relationship (or any other) could only exist to a certain point without Johnny being introduced into the mix. And whereas my own mother didn't have to worry about us kids getting along with whoever she brought home, since we were 16, 18, 19 and 20 years old when she started dating again, (so it was beneficial if we got along with the guy but not imperative) any guy I bring home will have a much more prominent role in my child's life. Obviously Johnny has a father, and no one would ever take Steve's place -- nor should they want to, he doesn't need another dad -- but whoever I end up with, they'll be around for most of Johnny's childhood. Getting along with my kid is a make-or-break kind of deal. To my relief, Kyle and Johnny seem to like one another just fine. Then again, I would hope that my boyfriend could appreciate my mini-me... Johnny is, after all, so very much like his mother. We are a wonderfully unique (but fun) package deal.

kindergarten

So I've been super busy and haven't written a post in a while. Today it is kind of unavoidable, as this was Johnny's first day of kindergarten. Guess what? He did just fine. Exactly as I expected. Why did I expect this? Well, partially because it was only an hour long and I was with him, but partially because I really expect the first month or two of school to go quite smoothly. Tomorrow he will get picked up by his transportation van and taken in for his first full day. I think he's super excited to get the ball rolling. In contrast, his comment after today's hour-long intro session was, "Well, that was BORING!" -- Um, yeah, I can't blame him for that reaction. I'd have been bummed if I were him, too, after having everyone get me really hyped for starting kindergarten and then only getting to spend an hour there on the first day.

Tomorrow marks my own first day: I'll be working as a substitute paraprofessional for the school district. This allows me to have a flexible schedule, so I think it will be a really good situation for both me and the little man. I'll admit that I'm nervous about starting, but I'm sure everything will go smoothly. This fall marks a lot of "firsts" for our little family, but I'm optimistic!