intolerance

I know this is something that everyone has dealt with at one point in time in their life. Some people of various backgrounds, religions, races, and even political standing have dealt with intolerance more so than others. What I never though about until recently is how intolerance in others, especially when magnified by ignorance, would bother me so much more when aimed at my son than it ever has when aimed toward myself. If you know me, this is saying something. I am admittedly short tempered, and I have little patience for people who insult/slander/make fun of others for something that is a part of who they are.

When it comes to intolerance, (which might as well be permanently attached to the word ignorance, because let's face it: intolerant people are usually among the most ignorant of that which they mock) the question can be posed as to when to take a stand. This weekend, my son was made fun of. The comments took place in a situation entirely removed from him (he wasn't present) or the situation for which he was being mocked, and in a forum where it would have been quite drastic for me to talk back. I judged from (what I perceived to be) the reaction of those in attendance at the function that the comment was generally disregarded. No one was really paying attention to what the offender was saying, let alone seemed to take any stock in it. Regardless, I wanted to snap her neck. 

I know, harsh. Drastic, dramatic, over the top, exaggerated and quite ridiculous. 

Still, I was starting to see red. It was in fact the second time this person had said the exact same thing, only this time it was to a different audience. Channeling my inner chi, I kept my mouth shut. Why? Because no matter what I said in that instance, nothing would have been achieved. That person's mind wouldn't have been changed. The idiot wasn't going to listen to anything I had to say, (we have a history) and not only would it be wasting my breath, it would have been creating a scene that was unnecessary since no one seemed to care what had been said to begin with. It wasn't that they weren't compassionate people, it was that they honestly weren't interested in the mean comment, and to what I gathered, seemed to be ignoring everything the moron was saying to begin with. Since the event which I was attending was in this person's honor, I figured it wasn't the time to inform them (let alone everyone there) of the areas in which the person so obviously lacks knowledge. 

Breathe in 3, count out 6. Breathe in 3, count out 6. Happy place. 

I swear, if it happens again, I will most definitely inform the person not only of where they fall short, but of exactly where to stick it. 

But as I mentioned earlier, all of this begs the question of when it is appropriate to fight back and when you should hold your tongue. When do you inform the person who is being so rude that they are woefully in the wrong? How do you bestow upon them the knowledge of how they have offended, why it is offensive, and what they need to know about the person they just attacked? This is especially difficult when the person in question should already be aware of these things because of the relationship they hold to the poor guy they've made fun of. And is it asking too much (I am honestly wondering, not being at all sarcastic here) of family and close friends to read an article or two and educate themselves a little about something like my kid's autism? I mean, my grandma got on her Kindle and bought a book about "high functioning" autism in children. -- I hate the term "high functioning" by the way, but it seems the only way to get across to most people what I am talking about when referring to either myself or my son. -- She hasn't just been reading it, she has been asking me questions along the way and sharing parts of it that she has found especially helpful. I know that Steve's mom and oldest sister have read a few articles on it. I sent them links. With all of these "Autism Awareness" efforts going on in the world, you would think that people in close proximity to anyone with autism would be willing to become educated. Sadly, very few are. I've even had one person in my life quite literally say to me, "But you're not really autistic, right? I mean, you can sit here and have a normal conversation with me. It isn't like you can't function." The word spectrum seems to have no credence in my experience. If you're not, and I quote, "noticeably autistic" then you can't be all that different. You're just asking for attention then. You just want help with things that you really should be able to do. You just want your kid to sound unique or special. He's fine, really. It's no big deal.

Well, I'll agree with one thing: he is fine. There is nothing wrong with my son, or with myself. But really? The ignorance of some people. The ignorance and intolerance of far too many...

Breathe in 3, count out 6.

At least for now, my kid is blissfully ignorant himself. Innocence can hold him in his bubble for at least a little while longer...