day three: #NAC17

I'll be honest, I expected a lot from the experience of attending the National Autism Conference, but I'm having a hard time. This is not at all the result of the quality and amount of information that is being given, (it is an amazing conference) it's that they really don't seem to have expected anyone on the spectrum to have shown up, aside from kids in the Children's Institute program. I know, as an adult, I should have realized this going into it. However, it doesn't mean that I'm not somewhat surprised that they don't accomidate differences a little more since people on the spectrum are the topic of conversation so-to-speak. They do provide "quiet rooms" for adults as well as a "closed room" for kids, (where Johnny and I have lunch so that he can't escape!!!) but I don't need silence, I need help processing. I need to stay above water. There is so much that I want to know, but it is somewhat impeded when I can't stand around and ask questions. Sure, you're welcome to, but the time is limited and if you have a kid upstairs-- forget it! I have to go get him, they don't keep the kids over lunch! I guess I just figured a conference focused on people who learn and process information differently than the rest of the population would cater a little bit to those different styles of learning. I know, I was stupid to think so, and they expect adults to be "normal" if they're going to attempt to attend, but man... I've skipped the last session of the day two days in a row now (despite desperately needing the information from yesterday's) and I would be doing the same in a few hours here (if I don't leave before then -- I'm debating it) if it weren't for the fact that there isn't a second afternoon session today. I can't sit still for THIS LONG (and I know a lot of neural-typical adults that can't either) or upright in a chair facing forward. I forgot what it was like to be in a lecture setting... I can't do this! There is a reason I dropped out of college and switched to online learning!

I'll come again tomorrow (and luckily have Stephen coming with me, so I'll probably be able to handle it better) because there are more sessions I really want the information from. Can I get a beanbag to sit in? Do they have a few fidget toys (didn't think to bring any of my own) to keep me more focused? I'll have to bring toys tomorrow, but my body seriously doesn't like the position it is forced to be in if I want to learn anything. This demand to sit still and upright isn't working. Add in the fact that even among these "understanding" individuals, bringing my weighted blanket or something else heavy to sit on my lap wouldn't go over without a lot of judgment and strange looks. Strange looks, or pity. I DON'T WANT PITY! There is nothing pitiful about me. I just can't handle these specific tasks the same way a lot of others can. I promise you, I can do a heck of a lot of stuff they can't. Am I allowed to judge them and look at them like they are aliens just because they can't keep up with me in other areas? 

It wouldn't matter anyway, as I'm the minority. No one cares what the minority thinks.

You know, for growing up a white kid in a primarily white town, you'd think I wouldn't know anything about being a minority. The sad part is, aside from my race/ethnicity, there isn't any other aspect of me that fits into the majority category. We talk all the time about how some races are the minority or some religions aren't as well tolerated... women in the workforce aren't treated the same as men... people make enough money for the standard desired lifestyle or they don't... sexual orientation is socially accepted or it isn't... but really? There are more minorities out there. Some of them just don't have as loud of a voice. Or they do, and no one wants to listen. 

My advice for the people of the NAC? Autism doesn't stop when a child reaches adulthood. For all of the tolerance and acceptance you're fighting for for the children you know/work with/love, you need to extend these things to those who have already grown up. Pity is not appreciated, but some understanding would be. And for the love of all that is holy, AUTISM IS A SPECTRUM! I'm sick of the "oh, I'd never have guessed" response when my behavior needs to be justified through a diagnosis. I'm sick of fighting non-stop for my kid even harder than a "typical" spectrum kid's parents have to fight simply because he is gifted. People aren't "just a little bit" diabetic, so why would anyone think that someone would be "just a little bit" autistic? 

I'm going to go find a comfy place to sit for a while. I give up for now, but if I yank Johnny out of his activities to go home early, he will have a fit. It is only fair that I let him finish what I told him he could do.