So, my standpoint on the stigma surrounding mental health and the "disabled" in general may astound some people. While I think it is horrible that those seeking help from the health care community are placed in a box or labeled taboo for being "strange", "different" or "messed up" in some way, I also see the reality of the world in which my child is being raised. The stigma is very wrong, but as much as I wish and will strive to change the public perception of those in need of help, I do know that things aren't going to be easy for anyone in my son's situation. And let me be clear; he needs help adjusting to a world that is at odds with the way he views things. He isn't disabled in any way. I'm not going to get cheesy and use the term "differently abled" because I think that it is still sticking my kid in a box, along with anyone else that society sees as different. Let's just go with this: cool. Because he is. He is a cool kid who has many strong talents and is amazingly comical.
Anyway, as much as I plan on raising my child to refrain from participating in any sort of labeling, (of himself or others) it doesn't diminish the fact that the world will continue to do so. Is it wrong of me to hope that through early intervention, we may be able to have him transitioned to simply being a part of the learning enrichment group by the time he hits middle school and no longer in any sort of learning support classroom? I mean, even though I could have greatly benefitted from help in my younger years, I eventually found a way to pass as something close to "normal" and be a part of the advanced track in school. I did not need any help other than additional intellectual challenges to keep me engaged in my education. A learning support classroom wouldn't have been appropriate for me. If he continues to be anything like me, and get the help he needs now while he is young, he shouldn't need extra help when he gets older.
Isn't that the point of early intervention?
But I feel that I get a lot of negative feedback from the autism community for having this view. "Autism never goes away". Well, yeah. I never said it would! "We're here and we're proud!" Neither my husband or I am in the least bit ashamed or upset with our son and the way that he learns. We are very proud of him. I simply want my child to have the chance to adjust to the mainstream and then let him swim with the other fish. Who he is will never change, nor will his diagnosis. However, his level of ability to interact with others in a socially acceptable manner is definitely something that can improve with the right help.
Call me what you will, but I pose a very realistic question: Would you have dated the autistic kid in high school? I mean, I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 20s. I didn't have that label growing up, and I know that I wouldn't have dated someone with it. Been friends with them? Worked together on projects? Sure. But I wouldn't have dated the autistic kid. Yet here I am, diagnosed as autistic, married to a neuraltypical guy and the mother of a beautiful and smart child. I lead a "normal" life. My diagnosis doesn't define me, and with the continued help of therapists to regulate my emotions, get perspective when my over-rationality kicks in, and alter my often black-and-white view of the world, very few people would pick me out of a crowd and label me as anything more than eccentric. Do I hide from my diagnosis? Not at all. Am I afraid that people will find out? -- Ha! I actually usually inform people of it when they begin to judge my child for his tantrums. The "oh!" look on their faces are a great source of entertainment, as they suddenly are forced to shift their perspective at least a little bit due to how "normal" I appear to them. (Like I said, the better you know me, the more obvious my diagnosis becomes).
So, while I am "that mom" who will advocate for my child to the end, and I will never be afraid of standing up for him when he needs it no matter what label is placed on him, is it so bad that I would wish for my child to enter his older years in education without being placed in that box? By middle school age, students become aware of the peers in their classes that are in learning support. Is it wrong that I wish for my child a middle and high school experience where he doesn't have to fight against such a strong stigma? I already and will continue to teach him to never deny who he is, but what the autism community often forgets is that people are not defined by their diagnosis. He is not his autism. He has autism. Autism is simply a word that explains how his brain works in a different way than the "average" person.
Stigmas suck. People suck. But since I am capable of recognizing that the world won't be changing any time soon, it is only fair that I wish my son the least traumatizing childhood experience possible.
Anyway, as much as I plan on raising my child to refrain from participating in any sort of labeling, (of himself or others) it doesn't diminish the fact that the world will continue to do so. Is it wrong of me to hope that through early intervention, we may be able to have him transitioned to simply being a part of the learning enrichment group by the time he hits middle school and no longer in any sort of learning support classroom? I mean, even though I could have greatly benefitted from help in my younger years, I eventually found a way to pass as something close to "normal" and be a part of the advanced track in school. I did not need any help other than additional intellectual challenges to keep me engaged in my education. A learning support classroom wouldn't have been appropriate for me. If he continues to be anything like me, and get the help he needs now while he is young, he shouldn't need extra help when he gets older.
Isn't that the point of early intervention?
But I feel that I get a lot of negative feedback from the autism community for having this view. "Autism never goes away". Well, yeah. I never said it would! "We're here and we're proud!" Neither my husband or I am in the least bit ashamed or upset with our son and the way that he learns. We are very proud of him. I simply want my child to have the chance to adjust to the mainstream and then let him swim with the other fish. Who he is will never change, nor will his diagnosis. However, his level of ability to interact with others in a socially acceptable manner is definitely something that can improve with the right help.
Call me what you will, but I pose a very realistic question: Would you have dated the autistic kid in high school? I mean, I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 20s. I didn't have that label growing up, and I know that I wouldn't have dated someone with it. Been friends with them? Worked together on projects? Sure. But I wouldn't have dated the autistic kid. Yet here I am, diagnosed as autistic, married to a neuraltypical guy and the mother of a beautiful and smart child. I lead a "normal" life. My diagnosis doesn't define me, and with the continued help of therapists to regulate my emotions, get perspective when my over-rationality kicks in, and alter my often black-and-white view of the world, very few people would pick me out of a crowd and label me as anything more than eccentric. Do I hide from my diagnosis? Not at all. Am I afraid that people will find out? -- Ha! I actually usually inform people of it when they begin to judge my child for his tantrums. The "oh!" look on their faces are a great source of entertainment, as they suddenly are forced to shift their perspective at least a little bit due to how "normal" I appear to them. (Like I said, the better you know me, the more obvious my diagnosis becomes).
So, while I am "that mom" who will advocate for my child to the end, and I will never be afraid of standing up for him when he needs it no matter what label is placed on him, is it so bad that I would wish for my child to enter his older years in education without being placed in that box? By middle school age, students become aware of the peers in their classes that are in learning support. Is it wrong that I wish for my child a middle and high school experience where he doesn't have to fight against such a strong stigma? I already and will continue to teach him to never deny who he is, but what the autism community often forgets is that people are not defined by their diagnosis. He is not his autism. He has autism. Autism is simply a word that explains how his brain works in a different way than the "average" person.
Stigmas suck. People suck. But since I am capable of recognizing that the world won't be changing any time soon, it is only fair that I wish my son the least traumatizing childhood experience possible.
No comments:
Post a Comment