Sometimes I think that his tantrums and mood swings will keep me locked in my house forever.
I have been planning dinner all day. A new recipe, some homemade sides and dessert, (non-sugary because the doc has recently put Johnny on a no-sugar diet) and I was really looking forward to it. Well, that's nice. Because I won't be able to make dinner at all now. It is 7:22pm and I still haven't been able to get Johnny calm enough to do anything let alone leave the house. What did I do to offend him? I can't honestly remember at this point. He's been at it since 3:45.
There seems to be a fine line decision to be made between walking him through the choices he is making, explaining to him what needs to be done, and physically walking away. At the moment, as you can tell since I'm typing this, I have physically separated myself from the child. Johnny is currently hurling all of his belongings across his room yelling "BAD MOMMY! I HATE YOU! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" at the top of his lungs. This is the 4th time today that I have locked myself in my room to a) keep myself calm, b) not give him the gratification of seeing me getting upset myself, c) keep my body safe from everything he is throwing and all of his physical abuse, and d) attempt to make him learn to calm himself down. Because I've done it at least 10 times today -- calmed him down. We talk through the steps, we examine what it means to make good decisions, he repeats back to me the rules, and then 20 minutes later he is flipping out again.
I can't take every single item in a room away from him to stop him from throwing things. I can't continually physically restrain the child to keep him from hitting me. I certainly can't keep him from saying horrible things. He is 4 and is an absolute nightmare. On his good days, he is the sweetest child on earth. But days like today...
Johnny can snap in and out of a mood in the blink of an eye. Because of this, he thinks that if he "calms down" that he will get what he wants. At the moment, that is a trip to the grocery store for ingredients, (something mutually appealing, as I've been dying to cook!) but I won't do that unless he can prove to me that he is going to continue to behave. About an hour ago he calmed down enough to give me hugs and snuggle for a while and start goofing off again. He asked if we could go yet and I told him that I needed to know that he was going to continue making good choices while we were out of the house. He needed to let me get ready alone and entertain himself either in the living room or in his bedroom. He refused to leave my side, despite the repeated request. That isn't what I agreed to. "The deal was..." The kid can't even listen to what I have to say for five minutes. Why on earth would I take him out in public? So I picked him up and put him outside my bedroom door and locked it. Result: epic tantrum. Over-emotionality and countless unseen and unpreventable triggers are a bad mix.
Yesterday we had to leave a birthday party early because he got mad at me and started beating my chest, face and head. He calmed down after 10 minutes in the car (we hadn't left the parking lot because I couldn't get him calm enough to sit in his seat and I'm no longer physically capable of forcing him into it) and expected to be taken right back in. Um... wrong. It seems lately that I am unable to complete any out-of-the-house venture. I can't even get to the checkout half of the time; I have to leave a cart full of stuff in the middle of a store and walk out. A lot of parents have had to do this once in a while, but it seems like it is a constant for me. I couldn't even get my back adjusted at the chiropractor last week, something that takes less than 5 minutes from the time I pull into the parking lot to when I leave it, without him having a complete meltdown and throwing a fit. In the end, he got what he wanted (stickers at the front desk) because the doc told me to just leave him with the receptionist so he could crack my back quickly. It wasn't a walk-out-and-come-back-later kind of situation, I needed adjusted. I was in intense pain. And go figure my back is all messed up; I still have to pick up a kicking and screaming 4 year old several times a day.
Will I ever be able to leave the house and have a productive outing ever again? I cherish the moments when he is peacefully sleeping...
I have been planning dinner all day. A new recipe, some homemade sides and dessert, (non-sugary because the doc has recently put Johnny on a no-sugar diet) and I was really looking forward to it. Well, that's nice. Because I won't be able to make dinner at all now. It is 7:22pm and I still haven't been able to get Johnny calm enough to do anything let alone leave the house. What did I do to offend him? I can't honestly remember at this point. He's been at it since 3:45.
There seems to be a fine line decision to be made between walking him through the choices he is making, explaining to him what needs to be done, and physically walking away. At the moment, as you can tell since I'm typing this, I have physically separated myself from the child. Johnny is currently hurling all of his belongings across his room yelling "BAD MOMMY! I HATE YOU! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" at the top of his lungs. This is the 4th time today that I have locked myself in my room to a) keep myself calm, b) not give him the gratification of seeing me getting upset myself, c) keep my body safe from everything he is throwing and all of his physical abuse, and d) attempt to make him learn to calm himself down. Because I've done it at least 10 times today -- calmed him down. We talk through the steps, we examine what it means to make good decisions, he repeats back to me the rules, and then 20 minutes later he is flipping out again.
I can't take every single item in a room away from him to stop him from throwing things. I can't continually physically restrain the child to keep him from hitting me. I certainly can't keep him from saying horrible things. He is 4 and is an absolute nightmare. On his good days, he is the sweetest child on earth. But days like today...
Johnny can snap in and out of a mood in the blink of an eye. Because of this, he thinks that if he "calms down" that he will get what he wants. At the moment, that is a trip to the grocery store for ingredients, (something mutually appealing, as I've been dying to cook!) but I won't do that unless he can prove to me that he is going to continue to behave. About an hour ago he calmed down enough to give me hugs and snuggle for a while and start goofing off again. He asked if we could go yet and I told him that I needed to know that he was going to continue making good choices while we were out of the house. He needed to let me get ready alone and entertain himself either in the living room or in his bedroom. He refused to leave my side, despite the repeated request. That isn't what I agreed to. "The deal was..." The kid can't even listen to what I have to say for five minutes. Why on earth would I take him out in public? So I picked him up and put him outside my bedroom door and locked it. Result: epic tantrum. Over-emotionality and countless unseen and unpreventable triggers are a bad mix.
Yesterday we had to leave a birthday party early because he got mad at me and started beating my chest, face and head. He calmed down after 10 minutes in the car (we hadn't left the parking lot because I couldn't get him calm enough to sit in his seat and I'm no longer physically capable of forcing him into it) and expected to be taken right back in. Um... wrong. It seems lately that I am unable to complete any out-of-the-house venture. I can't even get to the checkout half of the time; I have to leave a cart full of stuff in the middle of a store and walk out. A lot of parents have had to do this once in a while, but it seems like it is a constant for me. I couldn't even get my back adjusted at the chiropractor last week, something that takes less than 5 minutes from the time I pull into the parking lot to when I leave it, without him having a complete meltdown and throwing a fit. In the end, he got what he wanted (stickers at the front desk) because the doc told me to just leave him with the receptionist so he could crack my back quickly. It wasn't a walk-out-and-come-back-later kind of situation, I needed adjusted. I was in intense pain. And go figure my back is all messed up; I still have to pick up a kicking and screaming 4 year old several times a day.
Will I ever be able to leave the house and have a productive outing ever again? I cherish the moments when he is peacefully sleeping...
No comments:
Post a Comment