family changes

Well, if it were possible to drop a bigger bomb in Johnny's lap, I don't know what that bomb would be. Steve has asked for a divorce. I don't write about this to delve into the details of our marital situation, but rather to explore and wonder how my son is going to handle such a huge change in his life. If we weren't already having a hard time providing him with a stable schedule, (yay snow!) this sure is going to mess with him.

We've decided to ride out the remaining 9 months or so of our lease. Steve will be here with him on his days off and 1-2 additional evenings a week, and I'll be here the rest of the time, each of us living with family during our "off" time. I think that this is the best way to keep Johnny's world as stable as possible and make him feel like the change isn't so drastic. Then, in the fall, we will begin the process of splitting the house in two and helping him adjust to separate houses. While the back-and-forth isn't easy on us as parents, I do truly believe that it is the best possible circumstance for the kiddo for the time being.

I am glad that we have been so blessed with supportive families in the area who are willing to pitch in and help out with the whole custody thing and give Steve and I each an extra home to go to in the meantime. He is part-time back with his parents and my grandma and grandpa (Johnny's GG and Pap Pap) are letting me take over one of their spare bedrooms. I've gotten a lot of calls and texts from other friends and family who don't live around here, and I've really appreciated all of their kind words and offers to help in any way they can. I know Steve has been receiving the same, which is wonderful. We are both praying that everyone keeps in mind that we will be raising this little boy together and are going to have to work as a team for the rest of our lives, regardless of our own personal situations.

Johnny seems to go in waves. This is very new for him, as it happened this past weekend, and I'm still waiting to see how he settles into things. He had an extremely rough day at school Tuesday (hitting, kicking and throwing things/breaking them) but did well there yesterday. Meanwhile, he has been a basket case with me. Yesterday he was refusing to eat dinner because his daddy wasn't there, and it took me about an hour to talk him into it with the bribe of a new book. I didn't force him and waited for him to agree before I even bought the food, (we were at Chick-fil-A) and eventually was able to get him to eat a little. He proceeded to say he didn't want to play until I noticed one of his friends was in the play place and he caved. Then, after he took a quick bathroom break, (where he proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs several times because every little thing has been setting him off) she left and he sat there crying because he was "all alone". Even once I got him home, he flipped out on me several more times before the end of the night for doing things like talking too loud (at a normal level) and not asking his opinion before turning on some music. I'm just... at a loss. I don't know how to help him. He is scared and confused and feels like I'm abandoning him every time I leave the house. As a mom, there is no worse feeling than helplessness.

I just have to keep reminding myself to take things one day at a time. I so desperately want to fix everything or have the next year completely planned out in order to give him the absolute most stability I possibly can, but that isn't something that can happen over night.

winter

Until now, I have never understood why parents with "special needs" children would choose to homeschool, when social interaction is such a huge part of development and a school setting provides that for their children in a way that staying home can't. While I'm sure I'll eat my words on that opinion at some point throughout Johnny's school career, especially if he isn't getting the services he needs, but I'm actually already starting to understand to a small extent. Johnny hasn't had a full week of school since early November. Things have been so back-and-forth: the school doesn't usually call off until 2 minutes before the bus is supposed to pick him up, (so he goes through the process of getting ready to only have his expectations crushed) the weather has been so insane that even the school district is racking up the snow days, and there has been absolutely zero consistency in Johnny's schedule. As someone who also works best with a regular routine, especially during the winter months, I can't fault the little guy for all of the meltdowns and tantrums that have come as a result. In fact, I think that if I had a way to get him the same level of social interaction at home, I'd have yanked the kid out of school months ago. The back-and-forth is worse than just not having school at all! If he were homeschooled, there would at least always be consistency in his schedule! Granted, I'm not the best at providing that stability because it takes a lot of effort to hold myself to a schedule much less anyone else, but man... I would do just about anything to fix this horrible cycle we're stuck in right now.

Today (Thursday) was Johnny's first day of school since last Tuesday. Not the Tuesday that just happened, the one BEFORE that. I literally had to drag him kicking and screaming out of the house to get him there, because he has decided that school is a horrible thing. Personally, I probably would think the same thing if I was repeatedly promised something and had it repeatedly yanked out of my grasp. "Go to bed, you have school tomorrow!" -- wake up -- "Get ready, you have to go to school!" -- get dressed-- "Wait, just kidding!" I mean really, Steve and I have been trying to plan for the snow that is predicted by preparing Johnny for the possibility that the next day may or may not have school, but it doesn't really do much to help things. Either way, Johnny feels played. It is no wonder that when a school day finally does happen, Johnny doesn't want anything to do with it. The fact that his Valentine's Day class party keeps getting pushed back (supposedly it will finally take place tomorrow) hasn't helped. Each day Johnny wakes asking if he gets to give everyone their Angry Birds Valentines that he has worked so hard on, and each day he is disappointed to find out that no, that isn't going to happen.

I had an appointment with Easterly Parkway Elementary set up for yesterday, but as it was yet another snow day, it has now been rescheduled for the first week of March. I'm anxious to get everything settled on that front! I hate uncertainty, and when it comes to my kid's placement for school, it seems my anxiety is amplified.

Winter sucks. I want to move south.

ferguson township elementary

So today I met with a team of people at Ferguson Township Elementary (where I attended school) to see what it would take to place Johnny there for kindergarten and find out what kind of help I could get for him. I still plan on meeting with Easterly Parkway Elementary as well, but I have to say that I was quite impressed with what Ferguson has to offer!

I met with the principal, Charlotte Zmyslo, the Learning Enrichment teacher, Diane Reed, and the Autistic Support teacher, Keri Hewitt. (Mary was along for the ride, and we got a brief chance to chat about our impressions afterward!) I feel that it was a really productive meeting, and came away with the impression that if I decide to go with Ferguson, Johnny will be looked at as an individual and addressed on his own level in each aspect of his education. They talked about how they have a lot of different kids dealing with the same issue of being very advanced in one or two areas and a bit behind in others. Johnny would be given the chance to learn with the rest of a class but also be challenged if he is finding assignments too simple. One of their current kindergartners attends a second grade math session throughout the week in order to meet his educational needs, but stays the rest of the day in the correct grade with peers his own age who can help him with emotional and behavioral growth. The school sounds like it has changed in more ways than just the recent renovation and building addition.

As silly as it sounds, I think I will have a harder time with Johnny's transition into the school district than Johnny will. At least for the first month and a half or so, Johnny will just be in a daze, extremely excited about the new adventure. I'm not even all that worried about the start of the school year, because I feel like he handles that initial change quite well. What has me stressing is the question of what things will be like after Johnny settles in more and the bright, sparkly, shiny part of kindergarten wears off. I find that I even have more confidence in his first year of school than I do the rest of his elementary career. While my first few years of school I only noticed that I was a little more advanced than the other students, (I was the only kindergartner reading novels and I didn't understand why the other kids didn't have similar literary interests) it was during my mid-elementary years that I began to realize just how different I was from the other students. My hope for Johnny is that when that moment comes, it isn't something that ends up defining him. I was very alienated as a child, and I don't want that to happen to my son. However, it sounds like Ferguson has found a great way to accommodate such children. In addition to this, they have made it so that kids can take friends with them to the Autistic Support room, which has turned what used to (when I was in school) be viewed as the derogatory exercise for the "Special Ed Kid" into an extra opportunity for fun. Keri said that other students literally beg for a turn to go along with her kids.

You know, I walked away from the meeting just feeling as though the people who would be working with Johnny actually enjoy their jobs and are excited to collaborate not only with one another but with me as well. Charlotte told me that whatever reward systems or coping methods we already have in place can be carried over into the classroom in order to help Johnny transition more smoothly and keep his rules consistent. I really appreciate that they want to make an effort to include the methods that we have worked so hard on at home. She also assured me that I could have a brief email from the teacher each day, similar to the report I get from Autumn. (Really, I just ask for a short paragraph telling me about any problems during the day and any successes! Four or five sentences and I'm thrilled!) Anyway, I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of me. Easterly Parkway might be even better or it may not quite live up to Ferguson, but I now know that either way, there is a great elementary school in our district for Johnny.

I'll keep y'all posted as I learn more about Easterly Parkway!